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JOKES
A night out to remember
Two elderly couples recently enjoyed a pleasant evening dining at a local restaurant.
Deciding to have a quiet cup of tea before going home, the couples returned to one of their homes, where the ladies went to the kitchen to make the tea.
The two gents, in the adjoining lounge room, relaxed and chatted.
“You know the wife and I went to a really good restaurant last weekend. You'd really like it.”
“Oh yes,” says his mate. “What's it called?”
“Ahh, Hmm. Ahh”, he pondered in reply. “Ahh!!“
“Hang on a minute. Look, what is the name of that common red flower”? he asks.
“Rhododendron”. His mate replies.
“Nahh”.
“What about a camellia then,”
“No, No. You know red, with prickles.
“Oh, do you mean a rose.”
“Yeh, that's it! Hey Rose, what was the name of that restaurant we went to last weekend?”
Going for the record
Tom Thumb, Sleeping Beauty and Quasimodo were chatting.
Tom Thumb said Sleeping Beauty was the most beautiful woman in the world.
She said Tom Thumb was the smallest person in the world and they both agreed Quasimodo was definitely the ugliest.
“If we all agree we are the prettiest, smallest and ugliest, why don't we see if we can get in the Guinness Book of Records”, they said.
So off to the Guinness Head Office in Europe they went.
Sleeping Beauty went in first and just 5 minutes later reappeared saying, “It's official. I am now the prettiest girl in the world.”
Tom Thumb was next, and in less than 5 minutes he was out exclaiming, “Hooray, I am now officially the smallest person in the world.”
Next went in Quasimodo. Time passed until he too came out angrily yelling: “Who the hell is Camilla Parker Bowles?”
Down in the pond…
A refined old gent had recently retired to a luxurious home in far North Queensland.
It was quite a mansion on a huge block, lovely manicured lawns rolling down to a huge rock swimming pool.
Numerous healthy fruit laden trees, peaches, pears and apples graced the lawns.
One evening, the gent took a bucket and strolled down to collect some fruit from the trees.
As he did so, he heard the sound of muffled laughter and giggling coming from the bottom of the grounds.
Checking it out, he was aghast to discover five beautiful buxom young women skinny-dipping in the rock pool.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!
"The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the crocodile."
Moral: Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every
time.
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